Introduction

**EDIT 9/1/13: I have since decided to not be anonymous. I'll be myself and hope that that is okay. I fully welcome comments and discussion on anything, I just ask for everyone involved to be respected.


So...I've had it on my mind a long time to do something like this, and now that I have the page before me I can't seem to gather my thoughts.  Hopefully over time this will become more natural...if you're reading, please hang in there!

I'm a Christian, and I'm not ashamed of the gospel.  In fact, I'm married to a minister.  I [sometimes]enjoy church and always enjoy spending time with fellow believers.  But for some time now I've felt somewhat uncomfortable, even stifled.  And then, a few days ago, it hit me.  I can't really be me.  I have to pretend that I don't like the things I like.  I have to censor what I say and what I post on Facebook.  Because if I don't, I risk bringing reproach onto my husband.  We are expected to fit a certain mold and keep up with appearances.  But  I don't sit around watching Little House on the Prairie or reading Janette Oke novels like some people expect me to do (not that there's anything wrong with either).  I jam out to rock music.  I enjoy the comedy of Will Ferrell.  I get caught up in the intricate plots of "no-no" books like Harry Potter, Twilight (yes, Twilight, but for the record I'm not a Twi-Hard or a Twi-Tard and I'm Team Jacob), The Hunger Games, and House of Night.  I roll in the floor laughing at the "inappropriate" humor of the Big Bang Theory, and I like it (the TV show, not necessarily the ideology).  I don't believe that drinking alcohol in and of itself is a sin, and in fact, I enjoy a good margarita every now and then.  I have several LGBTQ friends and I will defend them.  Politically, I'm liberal.  But if I let any of these things slip, I'd be seen differently by the church.  I'd be someone who waters down the gospel, or doesn't know it at all.  I'd be viewed as a bad mother.  I wouldn't be allowed to serve in the church.  In my opinion, something is wrong with this picture, but unless things change I must go on living the way I do.

So this page is a respite for me.  A place for me to say what I really think.  I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I say.  Many of my friends are very conservative.  Some of my friends are atheists.  It's not that I'm looking for a path of least resistance, or freedom from opposition.  But what I do want is to be able to discuss things respectfully with my peers, without name-calling or demoralization.  To debate with people who are mature and intelligent enough to do their research and not simply argue a point that was implanted into their heads by their parents or the church and was never given second thought.

I try to respect the people who oppose individuals like myself and our interests, because if I'm being honest here, I used to be just like them.  But over time, armed with a liberal arts education, and being around open-minded individuals, I changed.  And perhaps not all the changes were for the better.  But I like to think that I am a better person as a whole because of it.  I do struggle though. Big time.  I struggle with the intricate balance of truth and grace.  So if you pray, I ask you to pray for me in that area.

This post has been all over the place, and I apologize.  I will strive for better organization next time.  So, after this initial post, what are your thoughts?  Comments and questions are more than welcome!

PS- I'm trying to keep my identity somewhat anonymous to the general public, so if I've invited you here, please do not mention my full name or anything about my family! Thank you kindly!

PPS- You will need an account to comment, so if you don't have one, please make one! Google accounts are free, quick, and easy!